


puzzle pieces (somethings missing)

by izzylerd



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, College AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-02
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-05-17 05:41:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14826389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzylerd/pseuds/izzylerd
Summary: It's been two years since Camila Cabello, one of the school's most popular girls and Lauren Jauregui's ex-girlfriend, disappeared into thin air in Miami, Florida.





	puzzle pieces (somethings missing)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at 3 in the morning because I got the idea in my head and didn't wanna sleep until I had finished it so I'm sorry if it seems rushed or it's like flat out terrible.

 

 

 

 

///

 

 

  
_The weather seemed to be fitting for Camila's mood tonight. It was the first day of summer, by fall she would be in the college of her choice. Which happened to be on the opposite end of the east coast, all the way in beautiful New York. But nobody knew this, Camila had made it her mission to not tell anyone._

 

_It was raining. Storming really. She had her forehead pressed against her bedroom window, watching and listening as lightning cracked through the air and loud thunder rumbled relentlessly in the clouds, slicing through the soft voice of Kehlani playing on her bluetooth speaker._

 

_So really, the weather fit exactly to Camila's mood tonight._

 

_She takes a peek at her phone that's sitting next to her, practically mocking her._

 

_There's a newly posted picture on her Instagram, a picture taken on a plane that she took 2 years ago on a trip to Mexico. But no one knew that._

 

_The caption read one lonesome word that spoke a multitude of volumes._

 

Farewell _._

 

_See, the thing about Camila wasn't that she didn't have friends, or that she felt lonely enough to leave and not have any regrets because no one would notice._

 

_Because in fact, everyone would notice. Including the one person she's going to regret leaving the most._

 

_Lauren Michelle Jauregui._

 

_The thing about being friends with your ex is just that, she can't be. Not with Lauren at least. Because she had loved Lauren, not just some kiddy love that usually happened in high school, she had truly loved her and believed that they were going to last until the end of time together._

 

_How wrong of that she was._

 

_Circumstances had torn them apart_ , _because Lauren wasn't comfortable with herself or with her sexuality yet while Camila was open to flaunting it around as she pleased. Lauren locked her feelings up and ignored them, while Camila wanted to do the opposite._

 

_So it had torn them apart. Camila was very sure that Lauren still loved her, they were never ordinary and they had gone back to each other on multiple occasions but that was it._

 

_Camila didn't want to get over Lauren and that was the problem. Because it seemed that Lauren was starting to get over her_ , _if the multitude of boyfriends she's been with had been any guess to the answer. But Camila? Hadn't been with anyone since they had broken up, she couldn't bring herself to. Nobody made her feel the way Lauren did._

 

_So the next best thing to do was force herself to get over it._

 

_And by doing that she was going to make everyone think she'd disappeared, shut her phone off and never answer the door to anyone until she had to go to NYU._

 

_She wouldn't be leaving to NYU for another two months, but they were two months she had to stay in Miami in secret and hope no one cared_ _enough to stop by and interrogate her mother about her whereabouts._

 

_She was very wrong about that as well._

 

_For the next month, there was knocking at her door and an endless amount of phone calls being directed at her. Each time they were declined and left to wonder where the hell Camila had gone._

 

_She'd set her Instagram privacy so that she would be able to look around without anyone knowing she was on, and she'd come across countless rumors as to what had happened._

 

_She had run away unexpectedly in the middle of the night._

 

_She'd been kidnapped, forced to flee the state._

 

_She'd killed herself._

 

_Countless rumors that were never proven right but continued to scour Miami._

 

_The one that she paid the most attention to was Lauren's._

 

"Knowing her she's probably just running from her problems. She'll be back you mindless fucks, she's going to University of Miami anyways. It's not like things would be different if she were still in Miami anyway"

 

_It had been the cherry on top of her Get Over Lauren sundae._

 

 

  
////

 

 

  
The thing about New York was that you never had to really learn who anyone was. There were so many people in the city that you never found it difficult to just be yourself, they would all forget who you were by the time they'd passed by you anyway.

 

You've also found it easier to get over Lauren. You'd changed your number, gotten a new Instagram and Tumblr that no one would be able to find, and hadn't heard or seen from anyone in Miami in a year.

 

It's your second year at NYU, you're getting closer to choosing your major (which will most likely be something music related) and you have the two best friends you ever could ask for.

 

Dinah Jane Hansen is probably America's craziest girl. She's loud, rambunctious, and not afraid to be who she is (a quality that you have found yourself driven to ever since Lauren). She's practically tailored to fit your opposite personality, and it makes it even better that you have Normani to fit in to finish the puzzle.

 

Normani Kordei is also your best friend, and just so happens to be Dinah's girlfriend of 4 years. They'd been together since junior year of high school and decided to pursue their dreams of dancing together in New York.

 

"You guys ever feel like there's something missing in your life?"

 

You're all sitting on the couch eating takeout with The Notebook playing for the hundredth time in your shared apartment.

 

"You're living in New York, going to NYU, you have a gorgeous girlfriend and the coolest best friend ever. What more could there be Dinah?"

 

A piece of teriyaki chicken lands on your face, "Shut up asshole, you're such a loser"

 

"I'm serious though!"

 

Dinah's glare softens at your puppy face, "Hey don't use that face on me, you're fucking relentless with that thing"

 

Normani laughs and finally butts in between the two of you, "Okay children settle down. Camila, I see where you're coming from. And Dinah, honey, what the _hell_ are you talking about?"

 

Dinah sputters, "Oh so she gets the good treatment and I don't?"

 

"Because you can handle a little beating around. Camila starts crying the second anyone tries to confront her on anything"

 

You gasp, "That's not true at all you!"

 

Both Dinah and Normani give you a look that says 'Are you sure about that?'.

 

Your arms fold across your chest, causing the couple to laugh, "Fine. Whatever. Dinah can you please just explain what you're talking about"

 

"I don't know. I just get this feeling that we're missing something. Like, isn't 3 an odd number to have in a friend group?"

 

"If this is your way of telling me I need to get a girlfriend, I don't appreciate it one bit", you deadpan.

 

"Walz, while that is not what I'm trying to say I do think it's a good idea", the piece of chicken from earlier makes its way back to Dinah, "Okay fine! Forget I said anything"

 

It's not until the Thursday of that week, the day NYU starts its new fall semester, that you finally understand the sign that Dinah was portraying.

 

 

////

 

 

You swear you've seen Lauren _at least_ three times today.

 

The first time was on your way to campus, you had turned the corner down the street from the apartment and your eyes immediately landed on a girl who resembled Lauren down to the bone. She was wearing a black leather jacket over a red plaid sweater to fight off the chill in the air, black Docs carrying her down the opposite side of the street and she even had crazy, just-rolled-out-of-bed hair.

 

You had stopped in the street long enough for people to just walk around you, frozen to the spot with your heart pounding in your ears. It took Dinah and Normani looking back to find you halfway down the street to come out of your daze.

 

"Mila what the fuck? Are you okay?"

 

You shake your head with wide eyes, "No, but it's okay. Come on, we're gonna be late"

 

You speed down the street, eager to fight the images of Lauren now invading your thoughts.

 

You don't miss the confused and worried faces Dinah and Normani give you.

 

The second time it happens is in your first lecture hall, you're taking philosophy as an extra credit class and there's a lot of people in the classroom. You make it halfway up the steps to get a seat in the back row when you spot the same girl from across the street.

 

You freeze in your place again and only have a split second to throw yourself back down the steps and out of the classroom before the girl turns around. Because if by some ungodly chance that the girl was Lauren, you are most definitely not going to risk your heart for the next semester.

 

"Dinah I'm seriously freaking the fuck out! She looks exactly like her! They have the same style and everything, what if it's actually her?"

 

"Have you seen her face?"

 

"Well, no, but-"

 

" _Walz_. Have you seen her face?"

 

You roll your eyes as an answer, and then remember you're not with Dinah, "No, Cheech I have not seen her face"

 

"Then you don't know if it's truly her or not"

 

She has a point, but you can't bring yourself to go back into the room for fear that it really is her.

 

The third time it happens is a little after lunch, seeing as it's your sophomore year you got to choose your classes a little earlier and you have two hours after your second class to yourself. Ariana, another one of your close friends also has some free time so you meet up at your favorite cafe and hang out in the sun, basking in the warmth before the inevitable freezing winter takes it away.

 

"So how are your classes so far?"

 

"Considering I didn't even go to my first one, pretty shitty"

 

She gapes at you, _"Camila!"_

 

"What? I thought I saw Lauren and so I figured-"

 

"You're joking", you give her a face that says you aren't, "You thought you saw your ex-girlfriend from _2_ _years ago_ , who last you knew, was attending the University of _Miami_ , in Miami, _Florida_ , in one of your classes at _NYU_ , in _New York City_?"

 

You pretend to ponder the question, "Uh, yeah pretty much"

 

"You're absolutely ridiculous Mila, there is no way in _hell_ -"

 

She looks away from you mid-sentence, and you probably should have known that something like this would happen.

 

Her eyes practically bug out of her eyes, and you make the mistake of following her line of sight. Lucky, and unluckily, for you, she grabs your body and practically drags you from your seat and around the corner until you're outside of an alley.

 

It happens so quickly that Ariana is out of breath, which _never_ happens because she dances and works out at least 4 times a week.

 

"Ari, what the hell?"

 

"Okay, maybe you're right", she bends over her knees, "Maybe Lauren is in New York"

 

"What?"

 

You turn your body to go back to the cafe because honestly, you've seen this girl three times today and you absolutely need to know what her face looks like so you know if you need to transfer schools.

 

But you only get about halfway back around the corner before Ariana is pulling you back down the road and to a different cafe.

 

The fourth time it happens you don't have to swear on it, because you know it's her.

 

You're in the library getting a headstart on the stack of homework that's due next week when Dinah calls you.

 

"Yo Chanch, Mani and I are gonna be late tonight so we can't cook. You're probably gonna have to go pick something up unless you can manage to not burn anything at home"

 

You groan, causing a couple people to look your way since it's dead silent, and run your hand through your hair, "It's literally the first day back why the hell do you have to stay late?"

 

"You're literally at the library Mila, _go home_!" She yells into your ear and the line goes dead.

 

"Fucking asshole", you mutter under your breath as you start packing your things and make your way back out into the September chill.

 

You're feeling a little homesick so you decide to stop by the nearest Cuban restaurant, considering you survived the first day back with minimal damage (despite the whole Lauren doppelganger situation).

 

You're inside and halfway to the counter when everything sort of stops, but also happens within the span of at least 5 seconds.

 

You're a regular at the restaurant, A Piece of Havana, mostly because their coffee is even better than your moms and their ropa vieja is absolutely to die for.

 

So by default, most of the staff is on a first name basis with you and you never stay for less than 20 minutes. Which also means that the second you step into the room, 3 different people are calling your name.

 

What you failed to do before walking inside was check the booths by the far left corner, where Lauren's doppelganger is sitting on her phone (which should have been a dead giveaway to knowing it was her all along).

 

Your eyes feel like they're gonna pop out of your head, the servers and the cashier are all waving and cheering at you (probably because you've been gone all summer) and you're trying to get them to shut up quick enough so that Lauren doesn't notice.

 

It's too bad she does anyway.

 

You only give yourself half a second to see if she's looking, and once you get a glimpse of wide emerald green eyes you turn your body as quickly as you can and bolt out of the door.

 

You don't make it.

 

Instead, because the universe literally fucking hates you, you collide with a tiny body walking into the restaurant.

 

Somehow you land on the floor and you're sputtering curse words in Spanish because even though your ass is the size of Texas, it does absolutely nothing to cushion your fall.

 

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry! I should have looked where I was going, I'm so sorry are you- _Camila_?"

 

You might as well have stayed on the ground because now your blood is cold and your legs are shaking harder than any earthquake you've ever experienced.

 

"Hi, Ally", your wave is small and awkward as is your smile, because how do you handle running into your ex-bestfriend after disappearing for 2 years?

 

At first she looks happy to see you, but then her eyes get dark and her eyebrows furrow and you know you're in for it now because Ally never gets mad and-

 

" _Hi_?! That's what I get after 2 years? What is wrong with you! Where the _hell_ have you been?" Oh boy, now she's swearing, "We spent fucking months looking for you and trying to figure out where you were and here I find you in fucking _New York_? Do you know how hard it was not having you there? How sucky it was that you just up and disappeared without a single trace? _How dare you_?"

 

She's backed you up against the nearest wall with a finger pressing into your chest, and you're trying to send a look over to the nearest worker to get you out of this situation but your eyes lock into green eyes instead.

 

"Ally, that's enough", her gravelly voice almost makes your knees buckle, but luckily you catch yourself

 

"Are you joking? I would expect you out of all people to be freaking out in this situation, considering you spent a whole year bawling your eyes out locked in-"

 

One of your eyebrows raises as both of Lauren's do, a hand making its way onto Ally's mouth, "That was a year ago Ally"

 

Okay that, that kinda hurt a little bit.

 

It's not until Lauren and Ally start having a silent argument that you really get to look at Lauren. She's wearing the same outfit that you've seen in her all day, except now you notice that she's not wearing anything but a black tanktop under the plaid sweater and Jesus, Mary, and Joseph did puberty go for another round on her? Her skin is still porcelain and flawless, but now there's a nose ring donned on her left nostril, at least 2 new piercings on her ear then there was 2 years ago, and you can see the edges of a tattoo peeking out from the right side of her chest. Her eyelashes are impossibly long and thick, lips still full but slightly chapped, her widows peak prominent against her skin and accentuating the messy, choppy layers in her hair that's now just below her shoulders. Your eyes trail all over until they come to her eyes that are still as green as ever, and are currently staring right into yours.

 

"You done?"

 

You try not to let the squeaky groan escape your throat. Try is the keyword, "Sorry"

 

Your heart is racing at a million miles a minute, your palms are sweating, and if you have to stand any longer your legs are gonna be sore tomorrow.

 

"Well", she looks between you and Ally, her brow creasing in the way that tells you she's trying to pick her next words carefully, "I was about to do the same thing Ally just did but I guess she beat me to it"

 

Ally does not seem amused, despite the fact that Lauren probably meant it as a joke, "Well, that's one less person mad at me right?"

 

Wrong choice of words, "Oh don't get me wrong, seeing you here has probably ruined my whole week and I'm using all the energy in my body to not beat your fucking ass and cuss you out on the spot, but Ally would make more of a scene than I would"

 

You cringe inwardly and outwardly, maybe if you try hard enough you'll sink into the wall like Homer does in that one episode of The Simpsons.

 

"So to paraphrase what Ally said, what the fuck is wrong with you, where the fuck have you been, and why the fuck are you here?"

 

You don't know why it does, but that makes you mad and suddenly Ally is the one trying to keep the peace.

 

"What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm not the one who couldn't put my pride aside for one fucking second and broke my heart! No, you just had to go and ruin everything and then go throw yourself at any guy who would give you attention. I don't owe you anything, especially answers! But since you seem to care so much now, I left so I could get over you and move the fuck on with my life, and I've been here living and having an amazing life without you to fucking ruin it!"

 

A part of you regrets it the second it leaves your mouth, the other part of you just wants to choke the life out of Lauren's eyes. Maybe then she'll understand the pain you went through.

 

What throws you off guard the most is the tears welling up in her eyes, because Lauren _never_ cries. At least, she used to never cry. You're starting to think 2 years has changed the two of you.

 

She gains her composure as quickly as she lost it and steps away from you, "Come on Ally"

 

They're both out the door before you can blink, and now you're left to realize what exactly you've done.

 

" _Fuck_ "

 

"Joder indeed, chismosa"

 

You give the cashier the finger on your way out of the door, all you get is a laugh in return.

 

 

///

 

 

"Oh my god"

 

"I know"

 

" _Oh my god_ "

 

" _I know_ "

 

Dinah is sitting on the couch, her hands rubbing slow circles on her temples.

 

"You're sure it was her?"

 

"Did you hear a word I said?"

 

"Okay. Okay. This is fine, I mean, it's not like you have to see her anyway right?"

 

"I didn't drop my philosophy class"

 

" _Camila_ "

 

"I know!"

 

"It turns out I met her before I even knew it was her, we have the same science class", Normani pipes in from the kitchen where she's eating the pizza you got on the way back from the Cuban restaurant, "We got paired as lab partners, she seems pretty cool"

 

"Mani!"

 

"What?"

 

"Be professional here! This is Camila's ex we're talking about! The one she's still very much in love with!"

 

"What? I'm just sayin', she's cool! I don't know why y'all are makin' a big deal out of this"

 

"She's got a point Dinah, it's not like I'm gonna run into her again. She'll probably take all precautions to avoid me"

 

You wished there was a tally for how many times you've been wrong, maybe then you'd see another go on the board so you'd have time to prepare.

 

 

///

 

 

You see her again halfway through the semester. After dropping your philosophy course and switching to another music class you'd pretty much avoided her except for a few glimpses from across campus or at the cafe. You told Ariana about the situation, who then relayed it to Hailee, and thanks to them you've avoided at least 15 encounters.

 

You can't avoid it when you're practically thrown into the same room together though.

 

It's the weekend before Thanksgiving break, which means there's more partying than studying being done. Dinah knows about a party happening on campus and you know that it's a bad idea but you can't really bring yourself to care.

 

"Come on Walz, let's get you sexied up for tonight. Who knows, maybe Lauser will show up and you can make her extra jealous of what she's missing out on"

 

You groan, "Okay one, now I'm starting to regret saying yes to this. Two, aren't I supposed to be getting over her still? Not doing the opposite?"

 

Normani walks into the bathroom, watching Dinah as she applies makeup on your face, "I don't know Mila, she's a pretty cool person and she hasn't said or done anything to make her out like she's a bad person. And I can definitely picture you two together. That's a hot ass couple right there"

 

"You're joking. She broke up with me for no reason and broke my heart! She's the reason I'm here in the first place!"

 

"You ever heard of this thing called time? It changes people Mila"

 

"And fate? Brings people together for perfectly valid reasons"

 

You roll your eyes at them, which earns a slap from Dinah since she's trying to apply your mascara right now.

 

You know that deep down you're hoping that they're right. Nobody ever felt as right as Lauren ever did, and you're sure that if you did some more soul searching that you'd find it in yourself to just fucking forgive her for her mistakes as a teenager. You probably already have, but tonight you're not going to think about anything other than forgetting everything and getting wasted off your ass.

 

 

///

 

 

Getting wasted was a _very_ bad idea.

 

For one, you lose all of your ability to control your actions.

 

For two, it seems to give every person who finds you attractive the go ahead to make their move on you.

 

For three, it amplifies your emotions by a hundred and seeing a girl draped all over Lauren is really not doing them any good.

 

"Camila if you stare any harder you're gonna burn holes in the poor girls face", Dinah has been trying to knock some sense into you for the past half hour.

 

"Good, maybe then she'll stop sucking my Lolo's face"

 

"You've got no right to call her yours when you've done nothing to make a move"

 

"Yeah? Well, maybe I don't wanna make a move"

 

Sober you would be very, very disappointed in your next action. But drunk you can't find a care in the world, even if you do notice the hurt look on Lauren's face after you pull back from grabbing the nearest girl and shoving your tongue down her throat.

 

It lasts a good 10 seconds, and with the hollering that everyone is doing and the hand that slides into your hair you figure you're putting on a pretty good show.

 

Why you did it, you don't know. You've never actively done anything like that, even Dinah is staring at you with wide eyes and you think Normani is choking on drink from beside her.

 

"What? You said to make her jealous right?"

 

Dinah just slides a hand down her face at you.

 

 

///

 

 

You knew they were plotting. Between the nervous ticks, the snickering behind your back, and the insistence to keep your schedule clear this weekend, the signs were staring right at your face.

 

So you really should not be surprised when Dinah pushes you forward and you literally crash into Lauren when you turn the corner to the store.

 

"Jesus fuck Camila, stop fucking running into everyone"

 

You're surprised she says something to you at all. Your brain is running a marathon and you quickly use this opportunity to try and make things right.

 

It doesn't work as well as you thought it would, "Listen, Lauren-"

 

"I don't wanna hear whatever is about to come out of your mouth. You've probably used it to kiss a bunch of other girls anyway, which is quite hypocritical of you to do after accusing me of throwing myself at any guy that gives me attention"

 

"Lauren, I'm sorry-"

 

"No, Camila. I'm sorry", your brows furrow, "Sorry for being such an asshole that you had to resort to breaking my heart more instead of talking things out. Fuck you"

 

She's walking away faster than you can grab her hand to keep her in place, "Yeah, well maybe if you'd grow a pair and come to me after everything you put me through then we could talk about it, you narcissistic asshole!"

 

Dinah smacks you hard in the back of the head and Lauren doesn't even turn around when her middle finger raises in the air.

 

 

///

 

 

It happens at a party before spring break.

 

You've spent four months going back and forth at each other any chance you get, and it's honestly the most exhausting thing you've ever done in your life to pretend that you're actually mad at her. But you genuinely have no idea what else you would do. Normani keeps assuring you that it can still happen, she's told you about the numerous times that Lauren has come into their science lab with her head up her ass because of an argument you've had with her in the streets.

 

You wish you could just march up to her apartment, wherever it may be, and apologize and just get her the fuck back but you've got absolutely no courage and you're not even sure if that's what she wants.

 

You're not even sure if that's what you want either, because you're scared out of your mind of her.

 

Mostly because of the history she has, she broke up with you because she wasn't comfortable but now she seems extremely comfortable and that doesn't settle well with you. Not knowing what's happened in her life in the past 2 years makes you anxious. Obviously things have changed with her but how much? Will she truly be comfortable with being with you or is it all just a front because she's had nothing but flings with people at parties?

 

"You look miserable, anything I can help you with?"

 

Your attention is pulled away from Lauren and her new fling flirting shamelessly in a corner, only for you to be staring into the eyes of Lucy fucking Vives. Also known as the kind of serious, kind of just a fling, girl with Lauren.

 

"Lucy Vives", she sticks her hand out now that you've acknowledged her.

 

You roll your eyes and chug the rest of your drink, something tells you that you're gonna need it, "I fucking know who you fucking are"

 

"Funny, I know who you are too"

 

"Then why the fuck are you introducing yourself to me you incompetent fuck?"

 

It's obviously meant to be an insult but she just laughs it off, "Because I'm getting really tired of watching you get wasted instead of making a move. It's also tiring to have her talk my ears off about you after we've had sex. And while it's really, really good sex, I think maybe you're the one meant to be receiving it and not me"

 

You don't know if you should gag, cry, or laugh. So you kind of do a mixture of all three at the same time.

 

After you're done choking on your own saliva you angrily turn to Lucy, "Well maybe next time you get to fuck her you tell her I'm not making the move on the girl who broke my heart. It doesn't make sense for me to be the one to do it when I'm the one who's been having to watch her throw herself at everyone but me and suffer for 3 years"

 

This seems to finally get a reaction from Lucy, but not an ideal one.

 

Her face twists into something of sadness and pity, and then she's striding off towards the corner that Lauren is occupying.

 

Dinah is in on the conversation now, and you're both left wide-eyed when Lucy slaps Lauren, then mutters a few angry looking words at her, and then turns on her heel, leaving Lauren with an incredulous expression. Her gaze drifts across the room until it settles on you, and you can practically see the moment her eyes go from surprised to broken.

 

You watch as a sigh escapes her body and she pushes away the girl still trying to make a move, squeezing through the middle of the room until she's standing across from you.

 

Your eyes don't leave hers and you can only imagine the look on Dinah and Normani's faces.

 

"Can we talk?"

 

"Depends, you gonna go fuck someone if it doesn't go well?"

 

A hand hits your arm, " _Walz_ "

 

You close your eyes and cringe sheepishly, "Sorry"

 

"It's okay, I probably deserve it anyway", she scratches the back of her neck nervously, "Can we talk or not?"

 

Theoretically speaking, you'd skip the talking part and just go straight to kissing the air from her lungs and giving her so many orgasms she wouldn't know what to do with.

 

Realistically though, you know this talk is long overdue and you can't avoid it this time. Your bones are practically screaming to let her back in, your soul aches to touch her and be with her but you know you can't do that without talking.

 

But you don't say anything.

 

You just grab her hand and step into the slightly cold air.

 

 

///

 

 

It's not awkward.

 

Which isn't really that surprising. Being with Lauren, even in difficult circumstances, has never been hard.

 

What's surprising is how mature Lauren has gotten over the time you've been apart.

 

"Why did you leave?" She finally asks after explaining the intense internal homophobia and anxiety she was suffering in high school.

 

(You didn't really need to hear it but she insisted, she thought she at least owed you an explanation as to why she did what she did)

 

"I don't really know to be honest. I knew running from my mistakes was only gonna bite me in the ass, obviously", you motion towards her and it actually makes her laugh, which in turn gives you butterflies all over, "I think I was just tired. Tired of not being with you, tired of trying to get over you, tired of being nothing but a friend and watching you be with other people. I didn't really think it through, I kind of just did it and went along with it until I could actually leave"

 

She nods slowly, swirling her coffee around, "I'm sorry"

 

"I already told you I forgive you"

 

"Yeah and that's the part I don't understand Camz"

 

The old nickname makes you smile, "I spent months being so angry at you, at everything that you ever did or said. I was so angry that I put all the blame on you and I couldn't step back and just let you figure it out. I kept pushing you to be someone you didn't wanna be yet, and I was angry when it blew up in my face. You weren't ready and I was too selfish to realize it. And for that, I'm sorry, if anything it's my fault we're in this situation right now"

 

You don't notice the tears running down your face until Lauren's soft fingertips are wiping them away from across the table. When you look up she's got glassy eyes too, and you can't even believe that any of this is real.

 

"Well, I'm sorry for not figuring myself out sooner. Maybe then we'd still be together"

 

You chuckle and shake your head, "I don't think we would have stayed together anyway"

 

"What? Why not?"

 

"Well for one, I didn't end up at University of Miami. The distance would have been too much and one of us would have ended it before it got to be too much"

 

"Oh please, I would have moved anywhere you went. I ended up here anyway didn't I?"

 

You try to take it lightly, "You wouldn't have gone for the right reason. NYU wasn't your first choice, and I would have felt bad if you had moved away from home for the wrong reason"

 

She seems to understand then, and silence washes over again.

 

"So uh, what exactly were we supposed to get out of this conversation besides closure?"

 

You ponder the question, because you don't really know either. You don't really want closure, that sounds too much like an ending to something you don't want to end.

 

"I think everyone is assuming we're coming out of this as friends"

 

"Is that- would you, I mean, - do you wanna be friends?"

 

You sip your coffee before answering, "Nah"

 

Her face falls before you can finish, "Oh, okay. It's okay, I understand-"

 

"I don't wanna be your friend", you cut her off with a smile and your fingers lacing with hers, "I'm still too in love with you to do that"

 

The smile that spreads across her face is worth all the heartbreak you've endured over the past 3 years.

 

 

///

 

 

It's not until four years later that you finally understand what Dinah meant when she felt something was missing.

 

You and Lauren have been together for three years and a half, you decided to spend the first few months relearning everything about each other and making sure the relationship wasn't gonna end in shambles again.

 

Ally joined the friend group a little while later, after the two of you had made up and put the past behind.

 

"Hey Cheechee, you remember that night you asked if you felt like we were missing something in our lives?"

 

"The day before sophomore year started?"

 

"Yeah"

 

"Kinda, I really only remember the betrayal I felt after Mani sided with you"

 

You and Normani laugh, "I had no clue what you were talking about babe, I was actually kinda worried you were gonna break up with me or something"

 

"What does missing something have to do with breaking up with you?"

 

"I don't know, you tell me"

 

You roll your eyes playfully at them, "Anyway, I think I finally understand what you meant. We were missing Ally in the friend group and I was missing Lauren in my life"

 

Dinah seems to ponder it for a second before nodding, "Yeah, makes sense. Fate is a weird thing my friend"

 

You laugh, but it's cut short by the front door of your apartment opening and a flustered Lauren entering the living room.

 

"Shit, hey guys sorry I'm late, the agency had me running errands all day"

 

You watch as she puts all of her notebooks and sketchpads down on the kitchen table, flying around the house until she's out of her suit and into a band shirt and ripped jeans.

 

"It's okay Lauser, we know our architect is hard at work and not cheating on Mila or something worse", Dinah jokes.

 

Lauren's face twists as she settles on the couch next to you, "There's something worse than cheating on my fiance?"

 

Ally makes a gagging noise, "Ugh, that was too cute stop it"

 

Lauren chuckles and finally turns her attention to you, "Hi baby"

 

You smile so hard your cheeks start hurting, "Hola mi amor"

 

She smiles harder at your native language and finally presses a chaste kiss to your lips, leaving them tingling and your heart mushy when she wraps an arm around you and pulls you closer.

 

So yeah.

 

You think after two years you finally understand what Dinah had meant.

 

With your arms snaked around her waist and laughter filling the apartment, you think that you've finally found the missing puzzle pieces to your friend group and to your life.

 

Because now you're not an incomplete picture.

 

Now, you're whole and it's beautiful. 

 

 

///

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you liked it be sure to leave some kudos and let me know what you think!
> 
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> Hit me up on social media  
> Instagram @ izzyalexandriab and tumblr @ becauseizzy


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